Sunday, April 24, 2011

Sad news

I haven't posted in awhile. I'm not sure why. For awhile I didn't feel like anything "blog worthy" was happening, but I must share our news with you now. J did not pass the bar. Sigh. I was positively shocked when we learned the news. I was so sure that he had passed, and even felt like I received spiritual confirmations that he had. I'm not blaming the Lord for his not passing; I'm now doubting my ability to hear what the Lord is telling me, but that's not the point of this post.

We don't really know what lies ahead for us now. We can not continue on J's current wage, so we may be job hunting and possibly moving. It's an exciting thought, but a sad one too. We really like our home, my sister lives 1/3 mile away, J's sister lives here too, we have good friends, and we know the area well.

I confess I was quite despondent for two days after learning that he didn't pass, avoiding talking to friends, and just wanting to be alone. I had built up in my mind what we were going to do when we were finally making money, and that dream feels shattered now. I also feel guilty for having those thoughts because we have all that we need, and live in incredible comfort compared to most of the world. I don't have to worry about finding food, shelter, or clothing for my children. I am trying to be faithful. I also find it sometime difficult to be dependent on the abilities of your spouse. Ahh, feminists would rear their heads back and yell that I don't need to be dependent. I do have a Master's degree and can work and earn a decent salary, but that option just doesn't feel right to me right now. I want to support J and make our situation work. Our current situation will force me to be more creative. Thank goodness warm weather is coming so we can amuse ourselves outside!

Limbo is an uncomfortable place to be in. I hope that we find our next step soon, wherever it may take us.

9 comments:

amydear said...

We love you guys and know that good things await you, even if you don't know what they are yet. Let us know if there is anything we can do for you. Sorry that things aren't going according to plan. I hate it when that happens.

A, M and S said...

Thanks for posting. We are sad with you. This feminist thinks marriage is a team, not a co-dependency.

Michael Family said...

I'm sorry Shauna! I hope it all works out.

EmmaLee Robinson said...

We have had troubles similar to yours. It was a really hard year but the Lord brought us where we needed to be. We are went down a different path and direction that what we had planned. It was a hard time for me but I have never been so grateful for where we are now. I am still amazed by the blessings the Lord has given us. We started going to the temple once a week and he guided us to where we should be.

Tawny Crane said...

:( How frustrating!

amanda j said...

Awww, man! I can't believe it, either. :(

I know you guys will do something fantastic, though; hoping you can find what that something is soon! Good luck! Our best wishes (and prayers, obviously) are with you!

Britney said...

Shauna, we know exactly what it feels like to be sure of something and then have that taken away. I am so sorry. I know that Jonas studied so hard, so the Lord must have something else in mind for you guys. Everything happends for a reason, at least that is what I beleive.... we love you guys and we are always here for yoU!!

Travis & Joann said...

Oh I know how disappointing that must of been for both of you. You're so good about expressing your feelings. I too use to think about what life would be like once Travis started making money. I'm learning to be super frugal. I felt it important to stay at home with the kids while they were young even though I could work with my degree too. But doing that creates financial sacrifices. So I decided to sub so I could be home most of the time but still help Travis so he didn't have to get a second job. I hope you are able to find an answer to all you questions right now. Good luck to you and your family.

Maggie said...

I'm so sorry. Good luck with everything. Life is hard when you don't know what to plan for. You are so faithful and I'm sure it will all turn out for the best but I also know the extra anxieties that pregnancy brings to these kind of challenges. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

Oh, and I like your new blog! I didn't comment on the actual blog because I was one handed (baby in arms) when I read it.