I haven't posted in awhile. I'm not sure why. For awhile I didn't feel like anything "blog worthy" was happening, but I must share our news with you now. J did not pass the bar. Sigh. I was positively shocked when we learned the news. I was so sure that he had passed, and even felt like I received spiritual confirmations that he had. I'm not blaming the Lord for his not passing; I'm now doubting my ability to hear what the Lord is telling me, but that's not the point of this post.
We don't really know what lies ahead for us now. We can not continue on J's current wage, so we may be job hunting and possibly moving. It's an exciting thought, but a sad one too. We really like our home, my sister lives 1/3 mile away, J's sister lives here too, we have good friends, and we know the area well.
I confess I was quite despondent for two days after learning that he didn't pass, avoiding talking to friends, and just wanting to be alone. I had built up in my mind what we were going to do when we were finally making money, and that dream feels shattered now. I also feel guilty for having those thoughts because we have all that we need, and live in incredible comfort compared to most of the world. I don't have to worry about finding food, shelter, or clothing for my children. I am trying to be faithful. I also find it sometime difficult to be dependent on the abilities of your spouse. Ahh, feminists would rear their heads back and yell that I don't need to be dependent. I do have a Master's degree and can work and earn a decent salary, but that option just doesn't feel right to me right now. I want to support J and make our situation work. Our current situation will force me to be more creative. Thank goodness warm weather is coming so we can amuse ourselves outside!
Limbo is an uncomfortable place to be in. I hope that we find our next step soon, wherever it may take us.