Heavenly Father loves me, and He loves you too! I think He wants to show His love for me more than I allow Him to, and I want to share with you how I know that He knows my needs.
Yesterday I was uber grumpy mommy. I was stressed and tired, wanting some sleep and alone time. Caring for four children seven and under does not allow for much alone time ever. If the baby is sleeping, the toddler is awake. If the toddler is sleeping, the baby will be up soon. If both little ones are sleeping, I need to give the four-year old some one-on-one time. You get the picture. I try not to let the kids watch too many DVDs, but with sick kids and day trips, we've been watching more DVDs than usual. Ugh. And housework! I am so behind on housework. I really, really enjoy a clean, clutter-free, orderly home. Again, with four children seven and under, this is nearly impossible to accomplish. I was a bad mommy yesterday: snappish and impatient and not exuding a lot of loving vibes.
Today, Moo woke up with the bug sister had last week, so she stayed in bed all day, but did not require much energy on my part. My friend took Little Man for 2 1/2 hours so I got to clean my bathrooms and mop uninterrupted. It was a beautiful thing. I am also a person who loves to focus on a task and work until it's done. It's a zen thing for me. And I also got lots of emails sent and straightened up the house a little bit. You can't tell looking at it now, :) but it looked great at 2:30 pm today. And then the most magical thing of all happened: all three kids at home were sleeping at the same time. This is a thing unheard of. I read scritpures and wrote in my journal. Do you know when I last wrote in my journal? August 3rd (of this year). I connected with heaven in a way I hadn't done in weeks. It was beautiful and peaceful and strengthening and just what I needed. I also got to read for about half an hour today (in two increments). I haven't read in at least a week. That is how I know that Heavenly Father loves me and is aware of my struggles.
On another note, do you ever feel like the servant with two talents, or whatever it is? Jesus told a parable about three servants, two who worked and earned more talents, and one who buried his and was rebuked and had his talent taken away. I don't think I'm that kind of servant, but I definitely feel like the servant with the smaller number of talents.
For example: a woman whose blog I follow is now writing a book on her own. She co-authored a book with five or so other women, has been invited to be a speaker at different LDS women's venues, and has a good following on her blog. She's my age and has the same number of children at roughly the same ages. She is a ten-talent person in my eyes. How she does all she does is beyond me. Like I mentioned above, I can't even maintain the normal things, let alone do "extra curricular" activities like she does. Really. I don't watch TV, don't spend hours on the computer/Internet. I just try to keep my kids fed, clean and relatively happy.
So I was throwing myself a pity party today about how mediocre I am, and I realized, to my embarrassment, that I use the number of children I have as a bragging right in my LDS culture. How silly is that?!? I guess I feel like it's all I've got. But then why, dear reader, do I crave the praise of others? Who cares that I'm not writing a book, or working part- or full-time, or starting up a 501(c) (3) to donate goats to children in Guatemala? I do. It's the natural woman in me, I suppose. But a wise Bishop once shared this counsel, to avoid these three Cs: complain, compare, and criticize. Obviously I have a long ways to go. I know I'm doing what the Lord wants me to do. And I'm foolish to wish for more because I really do love my simple life. When I'm holding my sweet baby that just fell asleep in my arms, I'm nestling heaven. But that lady that's writing a book just had a baby too! Oops, there I go complaining and comparing again. :)